It usually begins with, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" What do you say? How much do you tell? Is your child really ready to hear it? And will you scar her for life if you say too much?
Our speaker, Kathy Larson, R.N., helped us navigate the whens and whys and hows of the Birds & the Bees at our MOPS meeting on November 4th. Larson, a pediatric nurse who specializes in infectious diseases, teaches sex education to 4th through 8th graders in public and private schools throughout the San Gabriel Valley. She talked to us about puberty, how to approach your children about the Birds & the Bees, and answered questions from our moms. (See Pages on right for Q&A with Kathy Larson.)
For our MOPS meeting, Larson's talk was about the Birds & Bees through a Christian lens. "I believe in abstinence. I believe that the Lord has called us to remain pure." She and her husband had a special ceremony for each of her three children when they turned 13 years old. The children made a covenant with their parents and God. They determined where they would say yes or no, and where they draw the line at intimacy with others. Larson and her husband gave them each a ring to be worn on the right hand as a symbol to remain pure and celibate until marriage.
But back to the beginning...kids are naturally curious and ask questions. However, children only hear what they're ready to hear. When a young child asks, "How did that baby get in Mommy's tummy?", you can simply say, "Mom and Dad love each other and were blessed with a baby." Said Larson, "Your answer does not need to be what you're thinking!"
"Be honest," said Larson, "Give them the right name (for body parts) and move on." As they grow older, your answers can become more detailed. If you give them too much information at once, they'll naturally tune you out.
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| Larson asks, "How many sperm cells can fit in a teaspoon?" |
Larson reminded us that girls mature faster than boys. Girls can start puberty as early as 8 years old, but some may start as late as 13 years old. There is a huge amount of normal, but a quickly-developing child may feel abnormal, as would the last child to develop among her peers. Boys usually go through puberty from 10 or 11 years old through age 18, and some keep growing until they're 21.
Puberty is more than the physical changes. Remember that kids' minds are also changing with puberty. Sometimes they can feel like crying but don't know why. As adults, we've learned to cope with such feelings, but these emotional fluctuations can confuse a child going through puberty. Knowing about puberty and how it will affect them can help a child as he or she goes through it. In this case, knowledge is power.
Larson quoted a study that determined that 70% of 16-year olds in California have had a sexual experience of some form; 54% of the kids had a sexual experience by the age of 13. She said it is important that you be the first to talk to your child about sex, and equip them with knowledge and your values.
Larson stressed to us that our young children's questions about the Birds & the Bees are innocent. But those questions are a gateway, so watch for teachable moments in their lifetime. "Don't ever stop talking to them, even if you've already given them the guidelines." Young children need an answer, given with clarity and honesty, but they don't need a lot of detail. You can add on to the talk about the Birds & the Bees as they age and ask more detailed questions. "Never stop being in their face. Just love on them, be honest and use those teachable moments."
In other MOPS news, the moms at Jen's table won one of our minute-to-win it games, and received a gold candle from Monica de Guzman of Golden Purse, Inc. Amy's table won the other game, and received a gift certificate for a dozen cupcakes from Hue Soo's cake business, Soo Sweet. Please see the Minute-to-Win-It Sponsors page at the right for more details.
Also, MOPS wants to thank the moms who provided baby shower gifts and monetary donations for Elizabeth House's mom-to-be, Alex; and those moms who donated filled gift boxes to Operation Christmas Child.
We look forward to seeing you at our MOPS' Day of Pampering on Friday, November 18th. We'll be chatting with the Mentor Moms, painting our nails and getting hand massages, wrapping cookbooks to sell for Ladies' Night Out, and leisurely enjoying good eats from our fabulous buffet.
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| A visit from some former MOPS moms |
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| Nicole and sweet baby Violet |
