It's not always about the kids. At MOPS last Friday, speaker Joyce Penner focused on moms and dads, and more specifically, what goes on in the bedroom.
Joyce Penner, along with husband Dr. Clifford Penner, are internationally recognized sexual therapists, educators and authors. They work together as a team. Joyce is a registered nurse and clinical nurse specialist. For more details on the Penners, their business and their materials, visit www.passionatecommitment.com.
First, Joyce gave us practical tips for parents trying to get some alone time together when there are young children in the house: Get a lock for your bedroom door, turn off the phone and computer, leave the pets outside, and have everything ready on the bedside table.
Joyce then asked the moms how many times they think married couples have sex. The room was split pretty evenly with the answers: "2 times a month" and "once a week". Joyce informed us that studies have shown that 30% of married couples have sex 1-2 times a month, 30% have it once a week, and 30% have it less than ten times a year. Joyce stresses that marital sex is important for a long-lasting marriage. "Sex is not what drives the marriage, but it is the lubricant that keeps the marriage running smoothly."
She spoke further about several different aspects of sex and marriage. Couples need to clarify their expectations (how often, who initiates, what is ok?), gain accurate knowledge about sex in marriage, learn to talk openly about sex, and to identify and get help for any problems that may exist.
One of the myths about sex is that it needs to be spontaneous to be good. However, spontaneity is nearly impossible when you have children. It is more than okay to schedule time to have sex. Sex in a long-lasting marriage is about creating and maintaining that deeper-connecting, bonding passion.
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| A fun gift for our moms from Joyce |
Joyce answered questions from the audience, and then finished by sharing the "Formula for Intimacy" that she and her husband have developed with their 35 plus years of sexual therapy and counseling experience. "Daily passionate kissing keeps the pilot light on so that the flame can be easily turned up," she said.
Formula for Intimacy
*15 minutes a day
To connect emotionally: look into each others eyes, share a positive thought or feeling and an affirmation of the other.
To connect spiritually: share an inspirational reading and prayer
To connect physically: hug for 20 seconds. Kiss passionately for 5-30 seconds without leading to sex
*One evening a week
*Half a day a quarter
*one weekend a year
We also played a fun Minute to Win It Game at MOPS. The task seemed impossible. One mom at each table had to stack four quarters on top of a dollar bill draped on the rim of a glass. To win, they had to pull their dollar away, with the quarters dropping only into the glass. Meredith's table won the game, and claimed the prize: beautifully iced snowman and snowflake cookies from our registration coordinator Kari Roth. The moms who played the game at each table also received the prize. Kari creates custom cookies for parties and events; for more information, please contact her at kari2356@hotmail.com.
Please join us at our next MOPs on January 20th, when Positive Parenting guru Jan Morris tells us about how to discover the method of fight or flight that we select subconsciously when faced with a situation/behavior that is unexpected.
